one crafty photographer's stumble through life :)

Monday, 3 February 2014

Giving myself permission

Christmas is now a blur, right?! I had photos to prove it did actually happen and that an awful lot of our Christmas decorations were handmade but, absolute eejit that I am, I deleted them all a few days ago. Clever, huh? I feel like such a muppet.

January was so full of hankies and phlegm and sore throats! I was doing battle with a cold and lost, it became a three week long flu instead. It doesn't feel like it's gone completely, hence my rather zombie-like look of late...luckily without the craving for human flesh though :)

On top of all that my mental health is terribly poor (to be brutally honest) and my ability to craft has been taken from me, right when I needed it most. Turns out what I need is rest and a heck of a lot of it. 

I am not one for idleness and much prefer the idea that I can do anything, everything; or at least I feel I ought to be able to. So it's come as a shock to find myself disregarding the plans and 'should does' and instead having the grace to know when to shut down for a while. I thought, I desperately thought, that I was going to be in a better place by now but I'm not. Even this very morning I have been fighting back the tears and desire to give up. I still put the pressure on everyday and I. am. exhausted.

The idea was... January + Rest = February + so much productivity :)


Thus January has been incredibly quiet and yes, my flu has gone but my depression and other mental health difficulties remain. Feeling a bit battered and bruised, fragile and nervous, I am slowly returning to Cherry Blossom Tattoo activities.....

*  birds to simply finish off, a few to make *
*  new plans for photography to embark on *
*  more animals and flowers to add to my felty goodness selection *
*  the fab art postcard swap I am involved in under Kat *
*  there's a load of felt upstairs and a room to paint, in 'sweet dreams' by Dulux *


All in good time, right?...The world is just unfolding as it should. I am not stronger than time, than fate, than providence. And life ought to feel better for the knowing of that but I still I sit here feeling mocked.

3 comments:

  1. It's not just you Carrie, I was also less productive in January! Stupidest month ever, but like you am getting back to work now February is here. Animals have sense with the whole hibernation thing... :) Lauran x

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    1. January sucks! I suggest a revolution - hibernation for all!! xx

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  2. My dear love, it's ok. It is simply just ok. I so so SO feel you on the struggle for acceptance of what is, of the relentless asshole in my head that snears "how come you're not 'better' yet?", and the compulsion to get shit done over caring for my self. I think if it were me you would much more easily and willing to say "rest. take care of yourself. all in due time." So Carrie: rest, take care of yourself, all in due time... blessings! AND PS your courage for sharing your truth with authenticity is inspiring! Thank you. Hug!

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